What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

What do you mean son?

What is it like to be the slave in a mistress-slave relationship?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

Are there many people here who suffer from schizophrenia?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

True - how I loved my mum!

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

I have the power to talk to aliens through using telepathy. Why do people think I'm crazy?

Do you know what she said mum?

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

Have you ever dealt with a Christian narcissist?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?